Tuesday, 21 December 2010


Lily's first pantomime, greeted with much wonderment and later constant questioning. That daughter of mine sure likes to be clear on things... "exactly why are those step sisters so mean?"... and "where did they all go after the wedding?" (the closing scene)... and "what are ghosts made of and do they really haunt woods?"????!!!
Still, for me, it was pure delight watching their little faces ( I took Wren too, a big girl's treat). Sent me tumbling right back to when I was a wee thing, sandwiched between my parents knees, mesmerised by genies and fairy godmothers and giant-killers and so full of excitement and magic I could burst.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Lily Finally Gets a Haircut

Three and a half years later....

Friday, 8 October 2010

Walk to School

We woke up early and the fairies had set the table for breakfast. You choose mismatched hair slides and I managed to tame your hair in to almost-bunches. It was a beautiful crisp autumn day. The river was still and quiet. You skipped over the millennium bridge, carrying your blue backpack while I pushed Sam. The school welcomed you in and you told me not to stay.
I heard you laughing from up the corridor.

Smelly Woo Woo

Just as Tinker was Lily's first love, Lily has become Sam's. No one can quite make Samuel laugh as long and heartily as the Lilster, who takes great delight in making it her most important task in life because that is what big sisters are for, isn't it?

Saturday, 25 September 2010


3 months, one week and one day Samuel rolls. Right on target. As per usual with children the minute I decide to film it he stops.

Saturday, 18 September 2010


Sam's three month birthday is celebrated by him learning how to blow raspberries and an enormous growth spurt.

Friday, 17 September 2010

Tuesday, 14 September 2010


As hearing is said to be the last sense to leave the dying so smell is the last to linger long after they are gone. I keep a piece of clothing that belonged to my father; it faintly smells of him. A warm, comforting smell and while I still can breathe him in, I can fool myself in to thinking he is here. On nights like these, when my baby boy is sleeping peacefully beside me, I wish most of all that my Father had waited to meet him. He would have loved his Grandson, his calm, sweet, smiling Grandson. Already I can see they share much of the same temperament. I try and think of ways I can bring Dad in to Sam’s life with photographs, his poetry and my memories but I know, deep down, I will always feel that Samuel has been robbed of the joy of knowing his Grandfather and this will always be a source of great sadness to me. Sometimes, in my most fanciful of moments, I like to believe that in those four days between death and birth, that perhaps some of Dad's shining spirit passed by and chose to settle in Sam.

Monday, 6 September 2010

The Second Child

It feels much easier second time round, more instinctive, less fraught. I am not a frightened bunny in the headlights any more. You know what to expect, be it good, be it bad and knowledge is power. I am floating through days, trying to focus on the every day details. Things that I lost with Lily in a whirlpool of colic and anxiety.I am making sure I appreciate Sam as a baby, not wishing it away to be replaced by the next stage. My father passing has made me acutely aware of my own mortality and life is taking on a richer, deeper hue. I am determined that I will not sink in to my grief and while I will always carry sadness with me I actually feel more content than I have done for many years. My family somehow feels complete and I am learning to relax and enjoy them, for I know time is rushing onwards and every moment is blessed.

Sam Grabs

First Day at Steiner

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Monday, 30 August 2010

Bubble Girl

Static Girl

Portrait of Samuel and Mani

Short and Very Sweet.

Lily tells her toys one last bedtime story....
"One day a naughty little girl called Goldilocks went for a walk in the woods, she came to a house where three bears lived but the door was locked so she went home."

Friday, 13 August 2010

Samuel George

Better Late Than Never (Posting His Photo) .
Samuel George Giggled on This Day.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

The Order of the Day

Lily catches a glimpse of longed-for scooter

Sealife Centre


Scarborough North Bay

Seal Sanctury

Sea Urchins

Shark Tank

Cross face on Toy Train

Scooter Girl


Three is the Magic Number.

Lily August 3 Years Old


Lily has just suddenly started drawing people that resemble people, well pirates to be precise.

Here are some more we collaborated on, apparently jumpers are my job and I may have helped a little with the hats.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Breaking News

Apparently Beeba, according to obstetrician Lily, will be born out of my foot and will be a bit 'crumpled'.


Lily has played in this box solidly for two days now and so it begs the question "Why do I bother ever buying her any new toys?"

Cause and Effect

The dreaded 'Why' has happened. It has been occurring for a while but not on this gargantuan scale. I have to confess to it driving me completely nuts, mainly because it never stops with the one 'Why' but spirals in to a endless oblivion of 'Whys' and then I find myself resorting to the one thing I said I would never do, replying with "because your Mother said so."

Aspirations of a 2 Year Old

I was informed today by my daughter that when she is big she will grow up to be a lady like Mummy and when she is a lady (who looks like Mummy) she will be able to pierce her ears, wear dangly earrings, own a bike, sit at a desk and use a hole punch.
Ambitions run high in our family.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


Lily seems very excited about the prospect of a new baby arriving and pretty much informs everyone that Mummy is very fat because she has "Beeba in her tummy". Beeba will be a girl and she will mostly like eating chocolate, licking snow and playing hide and seek; a stroke of luck really as Lily loves to do all these things too.
Everything looking fine at the 20 week scan and certainly the little one is making his/her presence known by what feels like hardcore, 24 hour, uterine partying.

More Lilyisms.

Lily (pointing wildly at me) : "You are a talking mountain!"
Me: "But mountains don't talk."
Lily: "Some mountains do."
Some time later...
Lily: "What exactly are mountains for Mummy?"

Sound advice:
"You don't eat bottoms Mummy, they are big and smelly."

Just before bed, having 'built' a pram out of towels and blankets:
Lily: "I'm in my pram."
Me : "Oh, going anywhere nice?"
Lily: "Yes, I am going to a lecture on poorly seahorses."

Sunday, 3 January 2010

Shoe Fetish

Much to my dismay someone gave Lily a pair of pink fluffy dress-up mules for Christmas; I discovered this evening that she has taken them to bed with her instead of faithful old bear :(

Gender Predictor

Lily spent most of the morning in the bath with me 'washing the new baby' (which translates as splashing water over my stomach). When she noticed my belly button she cried " Look a tiny little window for the baby to look through" and then she proceeded to stick her finger in it and put her eye right up to it, declaring that she could see the baby staring back at her from the other side and she now knew it was definitely going to be a girl. I said that it might just be a boy and she told me in no uncertain terms that it couldn't be a boy because "boys are silly and I don't like them, except Daddy of course".