It feels much easier second time round, more instinctive, less fraught. I am not a frightened bunny in the headlights any more. You know what to expect, be it good, be it bad and knowledge is power. I am floating through days, trying to focus on the every day details. Things that I lost with Lily in a whirlpool of colic and anxiety.I am making sure I appreciate Sam as a baby, not wishing it away to be replaced by the next stage. My father passing has made me acutely aware of my own mortality and life is taking on a richer, deeper hue. I am determined that I will not sink in to my grief and while I will always carry sadness with me I actually feel more content than I have done for many years. My family somehow feels complete and I am learning to relax and enjoy them, for I know time is rushing onwards and every moment is blessed.