Lavender Baby

Lily pink and flushed and freshly wrapped from the bath and full of cuddles... Quite the best thing to have in one's arms.

Visiting

It is not my idea of fun, chasing a small child round a hospital ward whilst trying to maintain some level of decorum. Lily finds Grandpa's IV drip infinitely fascinating, the whirring noises, the flashing lights, the rows of buttons. Several attempts to rip his cannula out of his arm later I managed to contain her briefly by biscuit bribes and allowing her surreptitiously to doodle over his medical notes. Next thing I know she is doing headstands in the nursing station and licking the floor clean with her tongue. There are many hand wash stations to prevent MRSA but where are the antibacterial mouthwashes please?
I am checking her temperature hourly.

Sleeping Beauty

Lily August has perfected the 14 hour sleep which is nothing short of a miracle. It wasn't always thus, in fact quite the opposite. I have hesitated in tempting fate by mentioning Lily's nighttime habits but her ridiculously wonderful sleeping powers have been active for quite some time now and it is nice to know there has been big time payback for those early months, even if these nocturnal habits revert back to previous form.
A wise parent is one who recognises the transitory nature of things and remains humble at all times.

Grandparents

We are at my parents. Time unwinds slowly here. Lily is just adoring the space, the garden, the dog, the Narnia cupboards, the attics full of ancient toys and being near her grandparents. I have just realised what a knee-girl she is; loving nothing better than to curl up on someone's lap and be read to, or inspect their jewellery or mess up their knitting.

Play Doh Tyrant

Hurrah! Play Doh has arrived! Well, a less toxic version of it, Lily is in modelling heaven except that I have to do most of that while she just shouts "MORE!"

Genius

My husband says I am making it up but as I was putting coins in to a piggy bank today I swear Lily counted one two and three, except the two sounded a bit like shoe and so did the three...

Pockets

Some things I am really enjoying about Lily:
The way she eats her toast, marmite first.
Her style of dancing, which involves running very fast round the living room with her eyes closed.
Saying Q after every little thing ('thank you')
Blowing raspberries on bellies by demanding you lift your top up and proffer some tummy flesh, matters not if you are in the supermarket or on the toilet but helps if you are in the bath as that makes such a good noise....
Lily kisses. Fast and furious but getting harder to illicit.
Lily chatter, endless and mostly nonsensical.
Her love of shoes and bags and hair slides and leg warmers and all manner of accessories.
Her helpfulness.
Her sense of fairness; if one person gets a tummy raspberry, we all get one (including the cat).
How easily she is delighted, I so hope this lasts.

Finger Painting

Training Lily up for The Slade.

1 in 3

I guess I've been hesitant about mentioning the miscarriage because this is primarily a blog about Lily, a place where I can record all the minutiae of her life so that I will hopefully not forget; some of them great big enormous milestones, most of them just little pockets of beauty.
Leaving the hospital life seemed so shockingly normal I just couldn't quite comprehend how one minute something was there filling you up, preoccupying all of your thoughts, presenting untold possibilities and then it wasn't.
Losing a baby is extremely common but rarely is it talked about. I know I am lucky to have one child, a blessing that many people are denied but I can't help feeling we have been cheated and that Lily has been cheated too, that we all have I suppose.
One thing has transpired, it has definitely solidified my desire for more children, something I seemed to have only guessed at before; panicking that I could not cope, that Lily would suffer no longer being the centre of our universe (though of course she will always be so.)
I picture myself with a little troupe of babies holding on to my skirt tails and know I would not feel this way but for Lily and the light she has switched on in us.
For anyone interested this eloquent lady has put what I wanted to say in much finer words:
http://weeklywire.com/ww/11-03-97/nash_cl-home_brood.html

The Naming of Things

I am no longer MMMMmmmmummmmmummumuma, I am MAMA!
I much prefer it to Mummy and am hoping it sticks.

Scooby Snack

Lily demolishing a pepper. Prior to this she ate half a bunch of fresh parsley. At playgroup she ignored a plate of cakes and plumped for the decorative fruit instead.
Her eating habits startle and amaze me.
Smoked mackerel, broccoli and peas are a great favourite but she would happily live off oranges if you'd let her.

Staithes

A holiday by the seaside in January might not be everyone's cup of tea but it was exactly what was needed. The winter sun was kind enough to shine, the waves rolled and lashed and the brisk ocean breeze blew away some of the grief that Christmas had left behind. Best of all was our cosy cottage where Lily played in front of a roaring fire and Mama and Dada knitted and read the paper (you will have to guess who did what) and drank some very good wine and ate some excellent Whitby fish.
Sometimes the simplest of holidays are the best and I was very sad to say goodbye to that beautiful coastline and the peacocks who happened to be living in our garden.

Lily at 20 Months

Ps and Qs

Just for the record Lily can say thank you and does so frequently and appropriately and usually accompanied by kisses.