Monday, 12 January 2009

1 in 3

I guess I've been hesitant about mentioning the miscarriage because this is primarily a blog about Lily, a place where I can record all the minutiae of her life so that I will hopefully not forget; some of them great big enormous milestones, most of them just little pockets of beauty.
Leaving the hospital life seemed so shockingly normal I just couldn't quite comprehend how one minute something was there filling you up, preoccupying all of your thoughts, presenting untold possibilities and then it wasn't.
Losing a baby is extremely common but rarely is it talked about. I know I am lucky to have one child, a blessing that many people are denied but I can't help feeling we have been cheated and that Lily has been cheated too, that we all have I suppose.
One thing has transpired, it has definitely solidified my desire for more children, something I seemed to have only guessed at before; panicking that I could not cope, that Lily would suffer no longer being the centre of our universe (though of course she will always be so.)
I picture myself with a little troupe of babies holding on to my skirt tails and know I would not feel this way but for Lily and the light she has switched on in us.
For anyone interested this eloquent lady has put what I wanted to say in much finer words:

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